In a Funk

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God."
(Ps 42:11 NIV)

Today I feel very lethargic and a bit downcast. I can't really pinpoint a particular reason or thought as to why that might be, but the words of this Psalm immediately came to mind. And as I sit here mulling over the Psalm which expresses so clearly my state of mind, I can't even seem to pray words to ask God to help me because of the sheer weight of indifference upon me. And so I speak in tongues hoping that the Holy Spirit can express what I cannot at this moment.

Us modern day Christians have such powerful tools in our possession as well, and I turn on praise music to remind me of the goodness of the Lord.

You see, despair used to be a constant companion for me, and loneliness was a way of life. It was a deep pit of loneliness and despair that I felt constantly, especially during the times when I was alone. My relationship with God changed that. On a fateful day when I finally assessed that my methods and efforts were not achieving the fulfillment I was longing for, I simply said, "God, I tried my ways and they aren't working -- I'm willing to give Your ways a shot." With that I went to church with a friend, and I discovered Him there. Not a judgmental, condemning God that I knew in my youth, but instead a loving and caring Father God who wanted to embrace and heal me.

There are still days like today where I feel downcast and want to chill out from the world and from the realm of parenting and being a husband. I simply want to be alone -- but I do not feel lonely. I am not in a desperate pit, but in a funk. I know God is with me right now. Not judging or condemning, but simply abiding with me.

Again, I put my hope and future into His hands. As I remember Him, I am pulled out of the depths once more and the doldrums have faded away.