It has been great to return to work, even on a temporary basis, but it has brought its own challenges as well. No longer am I able to devote some of my best waking hours to contemplating and studying the things of God, but instead I find that even a bit of prayer time is difficult to carve out (especially when my non-work hours are focused on family).
What that meant for my first week or so is that I already feel the ugliness of my flesh rearing its head and invading my thoughts. Anger when I'm driving and stress creeps up and it's hard to control. I know that if I don't allow myself proper time to spend with God, I will revert back to my old self, where I am a Christian with a slipping relationship with the Lord. What that would mean, is that I would have wasted all the time that the Lord has been working on my soul over the past few months.
Again, I have to remind myself. Why do I live? Yes, I care about providing for my family, but my first allegiance is to the Lord. It sounds wrong to the world to put God even before our family, but the story of Abraham's intended sacrifice of Isaac is our guide. Abraham obeyed the command of the Lord without question. And because the Lord knew Abraham's heart was to obey and that nothing in this world could tempt Abraham to lose his faith, God rewarded Abraham and stopped him from sacrificing Isaac.
Nothing in this world can become an idol which precludes my faith in God. Not my family, not my friends, not my job, nor status, or possessions. All that must be laid aside before the throne for the Lord to pick and choose what will come and what will be my life.
So in terms of the future, it's all unimportant. All that is important is today's obedience. How did I do on that score? Have I followed Him faithfully and truly? Over the past week, I have to say - not exactly. If I am not spending time with God, I certainly cannot hear His counsel or be refined by Him. So this week, my faith experienced a bit of atrophy. That isn't good and my commitment has to be toward improvement this week.
Lord Jesus, thank You for Your conviction today for me to seek You first above all else. Please help me to stay true to this course. In Jesus' name, Amen.
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